Motivations
“… for the past 33 years, I have asked myself in the mirror every morning: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.”
— Steve Jobs
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way - in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.”
— Charles Dickens, A Tales of Two Cities
I fell more and more into a chaotic status lately. Seems I really do not know what I am going to do with my entire life. Ambitions and infinite desires are trapping me. Fears of embarrassment or failure are hindering me. On the flip side, emotion is catalyzing my temptations to overcome those coward thoughts. I yield to it not. I eager to prove not only to you but myself as well that I can be the best of the best. Still I’m far from it.
Standing on the fork in a road, this is where I am right now. I’m thinking of taking 2 or 3 days leave to lock my self in a silent room, button up everything in a tactic fashion which will lead my way at least in the next five years or so. The paradox is overall I like what I’m doing but the foreshadowed outcome is what be detested by me. Thrilled to the known future makes me lose faith and motivation. And unfortunately that’s the thing I am devoting now: to create “creative” designs for the solution. I bet my ass that a 12 years old kid can master this manipulation of building blocks after mostly three to six months training. Following this track, it is not such a difficulty to predict the scene 5 years later.
Why am I still hanging here? Again motivations. I swear before you my love and Almighty God that the single reason I can bear this out day by day is uncertainty. I’m not 100 percent convinced myself yet if I make a U turn. Although it is getting more and more pressing. After all the inner voices have screamed “No” for thousand times in face of the same question by Steve Jobs.
I have such kind of list, not a full-blown one but quite enough to keep myself busy in the next one and half years. It’s not even a guideline. With it in mind, I shall be disciplined and less volatile.
